Day 18

Just got home from my Weight Watchers Meeting.  I lost 2.4 pounds, I was actually disappointed until I remembered that I didn't start weighing myself until a week ago.   For all I know have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks.  I am going to try super hard this week though as I want to get on the scale next week and see it down 5 pounds! Wish me luck!

Day 17

I felt really sluggish all day today for some reason.  Just really lacking energy.   I think it is the winter blues or something.
Stayed within my points today, 2 days in a row!  Tomorrow is weigh in day, I'm nervous about getting on the scale. I'm not sure weighing myself every week is a good thing.  It gets me down if I don't see a drop in weight or if I only loose a pound.  I'm in a hurry and I shouldn't be.  It took me years to get this heavy, it will probably take years to take it off.

Day 16

A good day so far.   I just put in my supper in the Weight Watchers Food log and I stayed within my points today so yay me!  Hopefully I wont want a snack tonight.  I am going to my first Aquabics class tonight.  I am excited and nervous.  I hope there are some overweight women there, I don't want to be the only one :(
I also had my first massage today after work. Man are my muscles tight!! I will be going back for another in 2 weeks.  My neck was stiff before I went and now it's not.  I am having trouble with my left knee though and I wasn't before the massage so I'm not sure what that is about.
Stay tuned until tomorrow for a report on my swim class !

Day 14 ! & 15

2 weeks!! That went by so fast, it really did!  It was so tough those first couple of days,now it's getting easier.

On Saturday I had a very busy day so it kept the cravings at bay, that is until the witching hour between 6-10 pm that's the most difficult time for me.  I ate 1/2 a chocolate bar my sister gave me and it tasted soooo good!  One day I  will post in here that I didn't give in to my evening cravings, soon I hope.

Weigh in day is in 4 days, I want it to show at least a 5 pound loss, it wont if I keep eating!  I am hoping the aqua fit class that begins tomorrow night will help with that.  I will have something to do to keep my mind off of the hunger pangs.  I know I'm not hungry but I have a lot of years of giving in to my cravings so it will take some time to change my mindset.

Back to work tomorrow, there was a time I actually looked forward to going, now not so much :(  I seem to be tiring easily these days, my boss wants us to go go go, not stopping to breathe ever.  I liked working for my first employer, she would let me take my time and I didn't feel pressured to finish so fast.  Anyway I just need to suck it up and not complain so much, at least I have a good job.

Day 13

TGIF ! It's been a long week.  I was pretty tired at work today. I have been good as far as eating goes today.  Now it will get harder, the time before bed but after supper.  I'll be good though.
Stopped at the local pool after work today.  I bought myself a 10 day pass and will start taking aqua fit classes on Monday. It is late though, 8-8:45 pm. It will be ok in the summer when it stays light late but it will suck in the winter when it's dark and cold.  I will just shower there after as well and will have great sleeps I bet! Anyway I am looking forward to it!

Day 12

Pretty good day. I was busy all day so didn't think too much about being hungry.  Tonight I had a bit extra for supper.  I used my crock pot for a pea and barley soup.  It wasn't ready until 6 so when I got home at 4 I  had some cheese and crackers.  So I did go over my points a bit. You do get some extra weeklies if you go over, so I am still within my points for the week.
This time right now, between supper and bedtime is the worst.  It's when I want to snack. Makes me cranky.
Not looking forward to work tomorrow. We have a super busy day, I'm supposed to be off at 2 but there will be no way . Oh well, I'll look at it as burning calories!

Day 11

Well I did it, I went to my very first Weight Watchers meeting! It was great too. So many women there as well as 2 men, I give them lots of credit! I got weighed, I'm pretty disgusted in myself but at least I am on the right track now. I was able to buy some weight watchers food there, some oatmeal, shakes, bars and chips, all things I crave and they are all ready pointed for me to track.  I am disappointed that I left my book there :(  I hope it is there next week, it is for me to track my weight in. If you share something in the meeting you get a star to put in the book, so cute. I have a lot of books and pamphlets to read so I better get started. Oh, I connected with another girl who started tonight too, her name is Cathy.  She told me about the aqua fit class at Nicolas Sheran pool.  I am going to sign up on Friday. I'm so excited to get back into aquafit!! I have a good feeling, I feel like I will succeed this time in loosing weight, yay me!!

Day 10

Today was actually a good day !  My boss was in a good mood for a change so yay!  I was able to control my eating for the most part.  Still eating too little especially at supper.  I need to have meals already prepared for me or I barely eat.  That of course is my main issue.  It causes my body to go into starvation mode which makes my metabolism slow down which makes me gain weight. I hate cooking so I'm not sure what to do about this.  I also need to get into some sort of exercise program, dieting alone does not work for me, I need the exercise as well.
Tomorrow is the Weight Watchers meeting.  I plan on going, perhaps they have a place where they all like to go for exercise, that would be great.

Day 9

Well, work was horrible today, boss back to being a negative controlling bitch.  She even had one of my co workers measure the length of her hair so she could prove to us that is grows slowly!! But enough about her!

Day 9 went well, no cheating except for the pita bread and peanut butter I had at 8 pm, couldn't stand the hunger pangs any more.  I don't think I have lost anything yet but it's only been a week.

Day 8

Well I made it through my first week . Lots of ups and downs , but I stuck with it so I’m pretty pleased with myself .

Tonight Brad wanted Chinese Food , at first I was pissed that he didn’t care about me dieting enough to not eat like that around me , but then I decided to make the best of it and why should he suffer just because I am dieting ? I looked up how many points were for the steamed rice, chicken balls and the guy ding . The rice was about 4 points s for 1 cup , the chicken balls were 8 points for 4, the guy ding was a whopping 17 points ! Needless to say I did not have the guy ding ! In the end I was totally satisfied eating less & it made me realize just how easy it is to overeat. 

Tomorrow begins Week 2, hopefully it will be an easy week .  I will be going to my first Weight Watchers meeting on Wednesday night , I’m looking forward to that !

Day 6 and 7

I didn't get a chance to enter a post in here yesterday as Brad and I went out to a show.  We had supper at the mall and I had a sub, 6", and a pop.  I knew I should have skipped the pop but didn't, sigh.  Then at the show I caved, had popcorn, another pop and some candy. I think it is impossible to go to a show and not eat popcorn! Am I disappointed in myself? sure, but I'm not going to let it discourage me. 
I'm back on rack so far today.  My oatmeal I made with water instead of milk and it turned out perfect! I have enough for about 5 days so that saves me looking for something to eat for breakfast when I'm working. Today I am in a seminar with my dog Lync, there will be coffee and donuts so I'm going to bring myself a snack.  I know I will want a donut. I really hate being fat, said it before and I'll say it again, it just sucks soooo bad. I hate it, and I hate dieting , rant over.

Day 5

Today was a horrible day at work!!! My employer was in a super bad mood  because her hair was cut too short, she was just miserable and down right nasty all day, she needs to grow up!
My oatmeal I made last night did not turn out.  The recipe called for milk to be added, I was concerned because heating milk is tricky, well this morning I took a tiny taste of it and it was sour!! disgusting! Annoyed I wasted 7 1/2 cups of milk !  I am trying it again tonight but with water.
At least my chicken was good!

I was a bit less hungry today, maybe because I had a cucumber sandwich for lunch,  tonight I just had a cranberry smoothie and some chicken.  I feel like a snack now, need to check out some of those in between snack recipes.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, not looking forward to that at all, sigh  :(

Day 4

I had today off.  I took Wednesdays off for January and February just because I could!

Woke up at 4:30, not sure why, I seem to be waking up earlier and earlier these days.  I got really hungry about an hour later and even though I craved something more substantial I made myself  a shake. But then I was still hungry so good thing I had an appointment to get to so it took the pangs of hunger off my mind.  I went for a few more groceries after my appointment then came home and made myself a cucumber and spinach sandwich.  I need to get some Weight Watchers bread , and I used about a tbsp. of mayo so no big deal calorie wise.   The sandwich was delicious and I had some grapes for dessert.  I'm still crabby, wanting to eat more and trying very hard not too.

Tonight I am trying out a new crock pot recipe, lemon chicken, hope it tastes as good as it sounds!  I will take some to work tomorrow for lunch and have the rest for supper.

My worst time is in the evening after supper, I need to try really hard to not eat, I'm doing it but I hate it, my mind thinks I'm starving, hope this feeling goes away soon.

Day 3

Before, sigh  :(

         

Day 2

Well Day 2 is over.  I did pretty good today. I had a protein shake for breakfast and lunch then because I ran late I ended up having my cheese and crackers for supper.   I had planned on making chicken but just didn't have the time, sigh.  There never seems to be enough time in a day.
I finished off the last of my poppy seed muffins so I wont be tempted anymore!  I have almost used up my weekly extra points as I haven't really gotten into the groove of this yet.
I went to Safeway after work and spent $200 on stuff for me to cook with and eat. I am looking forward to trying some of the Weight Watcher recipes which I will do on Wednesday which is my day off.
I took my "before" picture this morning before work and am so totally disgusted with myself  I can't stand it.  This just has to work.  I know I need to also exercise, and I will , eventually.
That's about it for today.  I feel glad to have started on this road again.  I am not telling anyone at work yet as I don't want to be a big fat failure if it doesn't work for me.

It's Only Just Begun

Fat, Overweight, Obese, Cow......

All words used to describe how I feel about myself :( 

I have battled my weight all my life.  I have had years where I was thin/thinner but it never stayed for very long.
Last night I signed up for weight Watchers. I don't even know why, it was a whim. Stupid. But now I am stuck with having to do it.  I paid $159 for 3 months so I will give it 3 months.
The thing is, every time I start a new diet, I fail, then I am more depressed then before, It's just a vicious circle for me. Maybe I wont fail this time, I don't know.  What I do know is I'm hungry, like ALL THE TIME, it's frustrating and annoying & it sucks.  I just want to be one of those skinny bitches I envy.  To be able to walk into a store and not go to the Plus department.  To be able to tie up my shoes or walk up a flight of stairs without struggling to breathe. To be able to sleep without choking.  Ya, that would be nice.

I started this blog to be able to talk about my feelings as I journey forward. Here goes nothing, I mean, what have I got to loose except the fat?